Author Archive

• 06.07.09

  Bin Laden Mulls Variety Show Format for Future Audio Tapes

  The success of President Obama’s outreach to the Muslim world has seemingly reached a tipping point. In the face of what appears to be unstoppable momentum towards reconciliation between East and West, Osama Bin Laden, the longtime Al-Qaeda figurehead, is reportedly exploring the possibility of a career in broadcasting.

  “Since releasing his first audio tape, Osama’s love of broadcasting has only increased,” says a publicist who spoke on behalf of Bin Laden. “NBC’s upcoming Leno/Conan lineup clearly indicates the late night variety show format is on fire, and let’s face it, the poignancy of the anti-American message is beginning to fade. So Osama sees this as an exciting new opportunity to take his broadcasting career to the next level.”

  Intelligence officials say that production of the new program is in an advanced stage of development. So much in fact, that a copy of an early pilot has said to have been delivered to the Al-Jazeera network for review. A purported partial copy of a transcript of this pilot was recently sent to Blackline, and is printed below.

  [Audience

• 06.03.09

  Despite Sagging Economy, “Hook-Ups” Thrive

  As the major stock indexes continue to hover near multi-year lows, one segment of the economy has risen above this economic downturn. “Hook-ups,” the informal currency of the nation’s urban centers, has become for many a currency more popular than cash.

  Ronald Burke, a car wash attendant in Atlanta, Georgia says that in lieu of tips he has begun to operate almost exclusively on a “hook-up” basis. “You know I used to get fellas coming through all the time dropping me a 10, or a 20, sometimes even a 50 [dollar bill] if they wanted to impress a lady. Now these doods come through asking if they can hit me back later. I got mad at first, but then I started telling them to just hook it up when I need them to.”

  Burke says he was initially skeptical, but later realized the benefits of the new system. “Now I got the hookup everywhere. My boy Big Mike down at Subway just hooked me up with a $5 foot long for the job I did on his

• 10.29.08

  “Barack Obama: American Stories” Series to be Picked up for Four Seasons

  Following the overwhelming success of the half hour pilot of “Barack Obama: American Stories,” major networks have agreed to order 88 episodes, or four television seasons, of what is expected to be a hit series.

  “You know, we took a major risk with ordering this pilot, but it seems to have paid off,” says a top network executive who didn’t wish to be identified for this story. “Admittedly I was a bit skeptical when we first saw the pitch. Honestly, I wasn’t sure the American public would go for a story about a politician that actually cared about them. Add on the fact that he’s black, it seemed like a bit of a stretch, but hey, people loved it!” he says.

  The pilot episode aired earlier tonight in prime time and focused on the stories of several middle class American families struggling to make ends meet as a result of the poor economy. Each particular story was very compelling, but producers of the pilot used a very common technique to improve the pilot’s chances