Obama Issues Tiger Woods Challenge

If you’re Tiger Woods you’re not allowed to have a bad day. Nevertheless, he had had two bad years. Between 2003 and 2004, Woods didn’t win a single major, and many were beginning to question Woods’ dominance of the game, explaining the prior years away as a statistical fluke. But Tiger knew the truth; not only would he dominate again, but he’d also take to task all of those who had doubted him.

In the cover of the 2005 version of his video game, Tiger Woods PGA Tour 05, Tiger broke out the now famous “Tiger Stare,” in which a serious-faced Woods looked directly into the camera and pointed his finger into the face of whomever had guts to so much as look at the game.

“It was like he was looking directly into your soul, and calling you out,” said Brian Hollbrook, a teenager and avid gamer. “I don’t really get into golf games, but after looking at that cover it was like he was calling me a wuss for being alive and not submitting to his will.  So I bought it.”

But the “Tiger Stare” isn’t just salesmanship. After issuing the Tiger Challenge, Woods went on to win several top finishes in 2005, as well as first place finishes in two major tournaments. The Tiger Stare seemingly was just a precursor to the uninhibited domination that would take place after it was issued.

We all thought that the Tiger Stare was buried in 2005. Tiger went back to winning while smiling and we considered the intimidation and sheer dominance of the event a once in a lifetime occurrence. Nevertheless, last week Barack Obama turned to an AP photographer at a political rally and singlehandedly revived the Tiger Stare.

“He turned, looked over, and it was like time had stopped. All of his charisma and friendliness melted away for a moment, and all that existed was sheer intimidation,” said an observer to the event. “The look pierced my soul and I just had to sit there and repent for everything I had done wrong throughout my entire life.”

It was previously thought that the Tiger Stare was specific to Woods, and many feared to even try to imitate it. “It was an unspoken rule that if anyone tried the Tiger Stare and failed, they would be reduced to a mere joke,” said Luther Wilkins, a blackologist specializing in African American sports studies. “After Iowa, Barack had enough of the doubt and enough of the haters. He called out not just those who had doubted him, but America, the world even. That takes balls.”

In the ensuing days, the polls have proven that the Tiger Challenge still possesses the same clout under Obama’s control. “I liked Obama, but honestly I was leaning towards Hillary because I was really excited about having a female president,” said a New Hampshire resident wishing to remain anonymous. “But then I saw the photo and it was like I had to be honest with myself, and with Barack for that matter. I’m now voting for Obama because I know it’s right, and that look would’ve just killed me if I hadn’t come to terms with that.”

But she says that the photo has influenced more than her vote. “I’m going to church this weekend and getting things right with the Lord. I’m really getting my life together because I know from that picture that if I don’t, Barack will come after me. I don’t know what he will do, but really, I don’t want to know.”

In a related story, many have speculated about Hillary dropping out of the race. The simple truth is, you can’t look at the picture and continue to oppose Obama, it simply makes the ultimate punishment you will endure even harsher.

It has been reported that top advisers are suggesting that Hillary begin getting things right with God…

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