Fox News ‘Truth’ Outbreak Declared

What was thought to be only an isolated incidence of the “truth” virus at Fox News this morning has been officially upgraded to “outbreak” status, following the second documented infection in a single day.

Health concerns arose early this morning when Fox and Friends anchor Brian Kilmeade began acting strangely. “When he came in this morning we all knew something was off,” says Laura Stevenson, a production assistant for the morning program. “Then he said, ‘President Bush might not be the greatest president ever,’ and we knew he was ill,” she says.

Just minutes later, Kilmeade showed signs of the truth virus on air. During a routine propaganda/fact distortion session aimed at Sen. Barack Obama on the program, Kilmeade began to argue on the Senator’s behalf, saying that the network was being manipulative by showing only portions of a speech by Obama that is considered “controversial.”

The on-camera feud culminated with Kilmeade storming off the set in disgust, in a clip that has since made rounds on the internet. Following his departure, Kilmeade was immediately quarantined and quickly received medical care.

“We haven’t seen an incidence of ‘truth’ since the late 90’s, when Dr. Dre began speaking out about the violence and corruption at Death Row Records,” says Dr. Bertrand Jackson, a pathologist at the Col. Sam Daniels Institute of Infectious Diseases.

Jackson advised Fox News officials to instate the quarantine procedure which was thought to be successful, until Fox News anchor Chris Wallace showed signs of the disease just minutes later.

“He started accusing Fox News of Obama bashing, and we all just started to panic because we realized the disease was contagious, and didn’t want to catch it,” Stevenson recalls. In the video, also also widely distributed on the internet, Wallace takes the Fox and Friends anchors to task for their hours of using selective and manipulated information to tarnish Obama’s reputation.

Wallace has since been quarantined and treated as well; nevertheless Dr. Jackson, as well as Fox News management, are quite concerned. “The virus has demonstrated that it’s not only airborne, but airwaveborne,” Jackson says. He says that in order to effect Wallace so quickly, the virus had to have traveled through the satellite link between the New York based Fox and Friends, and Wallace, who was on the air in Washington, DC at the time.

A confidential source within the Fox News management has confirmed that Fox is indeed concerned that the virus could effect viewers. In the meanwhile, Dr. Jackson is being kept on 24 hour alert status.

The standing order reportedly is to investigate any cases of Fox Newsviewers or reporters who demonstrate uncharacteristic behavior, including the belief that Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11, Al-Qaeda forces aren’t being trained in Iran, and President Bush’s economic policy may be flawed.

Should additional outbreaks occur, Dr. Jackson and his team will be immediately dispatched to further contain the virus, as a national epidemic of the truth virus would undoubtedly be devastating, possibly even resulting in the reemergence of constitutional dictates being upheld.

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