Breaking: I Think I Had Sex with David Paterson

Today we are receiving word that newly-minted New York governor David Paterson admitted to using drugs in the past.  Marijuana? Yes. Cocaine? Yes. This revelation comes not long after the governor admitted to a few extramarital affairs, even admitting his wife did the same, and additionally was questioned over some vague favoritism that got an ex-mistress a city job.

Paterson’s honesty is refreshing, so following in his footsteps, it is only fair and just that I set the record straight – I think I had sex with David Paterson. We were young, impetuous, and looking for love. I was a young woman starting out as an activist in Johannesburg, and he was a young charming lawyer and politician on the rise.

We would walk down the bustling streets passing glances, soon we would pass notes, and then one balmy July afternoon we passed a little more at a Day’s Inn down the street (I’m still not sure why he’s so loyal to that motel, it’s so crappy.) Our love was greatly tested when he was arrested by the apartheid government and had to spend 27 years in prison while I carried on as a freedom fighter…

Actually, it seems that memory does not belong to me, but to Winnie and Nelson Mandela. Hmm, well, in any case, full disclosure is always best, right?

It is understandable that the governor is laying all his cards on the table, however one does wonder how many cards he’s got to go. I just wanted to save the governor some more time by coming forward myself before some reporter discovered our love. However, I am ready with a nice tweed Chanel suit, just in case the governor needs me to stand by him at a press conference revealing our past times.

According to polls (Sienna Research Institute), Patterson is currently enjoying a 60% approval. One does wonder which came first, the approval or all the admissions.

|  Print